Sex

Sex. We all know about it. We’ve been schooled about the STD’s, pregnancy, and commitment that come with sex in the hopes that it would scare us out of participating in the act until we are married. But let’s face it. Sex is a fun, calorie-burning pastime for us high school students. There are more positives than negatives (get it?!). Some of us like to get kinky. Some of us like to stay classy. Some of us don’t participate in the sexual act at all. Some of us may be stuck in a rut with the same old thing every. Single. Time. So here are some tips for all of you horny bastards out there:

1.      Incorporate food into your sex life.  Waffles, burgers, chicken nuggets, anything goes.

2.      A little dry? Out of lube? Use one of your friends from the kitchen… olive oil!

3.      Go to a concert and discretely bite people until you reach the front row. Make sure you make constant eye contact with the most attractive member of the band (or the one with the tightest pants). After the show, stow away on their tour bus and appear wearing nothing but the band t-shirt. Keep eye contact with your object of desire, but invite everyone to have a little fun! Afterwards, don’t forget to mention how many people you had to bite to get there.

4.      Looking to switch it up? Develop a foot fetish. Use your partner’s toes to stimulate your genitals!

5.      Make sure you have a to-do list. This could be anything from “people to do” to “places to do it.”

6.      Looking for adventure? Do it in the bathroom while your parents are downstairs! Bite your partner to keep quiet if you’re a screamer.

7.      Apart? Skype sex! Just point the camera at your genitals and you’re a-go!

8.      If you need help getting your partner into the mood, suggest a movie night and watch all of your favorite porn together!

9.      Have a criminal for a sexual partner? Watch an episode of Criminal Minds and then reenact the episode! The more rape there is in the episode, the more sex there is for you!

So there you go you glorious, curious sexual animals. Have a little fun! Live a little life! Have a lot of sex!

Side Note: Tips above are not to be taken seriously. They may be dangerous to your health.

Sarah =]